I am fucking feeling damn horribly fucking ultimate pissed off now. Most of my MSN contacts miraculously vanished into the thin air without any trace. And I am terribly upset. I don't even know what happened. Actually when I signed in to MSN on Wednesday afternoon I already noticed a few of the contacts were missing but I didn't really paid much attention to it. Then when I signed in a moment ago, my eyeballs almost popped out and got stuck onto the monitor. More than half of the contacts were gone. GONE!!! Feeling unbelievable, I even signed out and in again. SAME. How on earth am I supposed to get back all my friends email addresses if they do not intiate a chat with me? Damn it. I don't even have a clue as to what leads to the disappearance of the contacts. I am feeling damn sore about this now can? Good things never happen to me. Or rather I should be glad if bad things do not happen. But unfortunately they always do.

Was already not in very good mood these few days and this kinda thing got to happen to ignite my displeasure. Argh!!!

It seems like me and him are drifting apart recently. I don't know what happened or why is it happening or is it because I am too sensitive. I have no control in this anyway. Because I am not the domineering party in this erm... I also don't know what is this called. But I don't like the idea of him saying that he will call me back but he never did. not once not twice but rather frequent. Can't be that he is so busy since afternoon till night time and till he fell asleep right? I really don't know. The time we spent talking has been greatly reduced. I don't know if he has gotten sick of me, or is it other factors influencing him to start feeling this way.I don't even get the chance of talking to him about this. However I got a feeling that even if I do, he will start his usual nonsense again. Stuffs that I have heard so many times that I am sick and tired of hearing them. Perhaps it is the end of everything. I really don't know.

Bad luck has been revolving around me recently. Damn suay. I wonder when will my luck change for the better. *knocks head repeatedly against the wall and crys*

Let me tell you how colourless and boring life in Singapore is.

Friday: Orchard Road
Saturday: Orchard Road
Sunday: Orchard Road

Ya this was where I went over the past weekend. I went shopping with Noelle on Friday, before settling down at her mum's lounge and chat. After which was a movie. The wig. Erm... Not very nice a movie though. Story plot was pretty lame.

Saturday was spent shopping with Cylene and Lynna. I bought myself a pair of m)phosis slippers cause I spoilt mine on Friday. Got back exactly the same design. Just that the straps are slightly a bit thicker.

Sunday was spent shopping with Siew Hwee. We went hunting for Fen's present. Then it was followed by a nice chat with Big Gulp as our companion. Come to think of it, it's been awhile since we last had this kind of "night chat". We used to chat almost everynight after my work. Buying some crackers and chatting about everything we could think of under the stars just beside the Esplanade. I enjoyed those moments. But ever since she got that Mr Tay, he always tagged along! Humph! Luckily for me, his exams are nearing. So at last we can have a nice chat without him hovering around! I am so evil right?!!! *winks*

Oh oh oh!!! The Adidas watch I have been aiming for for these few months got a 20% discount. The original price was $95, after discount is only $74! I love the green colour one so much. Tried it on just now. Even Hui also says it looks nice on me. Now it makes me even more determined to get that watch. But I am not sure if I should get it. Still in serious financial crisis. But I really like it so much! Worse still, it is on discount for a limited time frame only. And I spent like half an hour in the shop considering if I should get it or not. But decided to further consider cause of my financial status. Please please any kind soul willing to buy that for me? Just that watch lar... Not very expensive also. Got 20% discount. Take pity on me lar... Tolong tolong... I think I am going to lose sleep these few days cause of that watch.

Hey back to the original topic. Ya... I have been going Orchard consecutively for three days. Singapore has got nowhere better to shop. But shopping with different people give rise to different set of shopping feelings though the place is the same. So shopping trips to the same place over the weekend was not so boring afterall. But I just hate the idea of having to go to the same place consecutively. Told you people, I am a hard to please girl.

This applies for almost everything I do. Except wearing jeans. I can't eat the same thing over two meals. I will throw my temper and complain. I can't do the same activity for two days, not even my favourite KTV sessions. And lots more I can't think of right now. Oh no even I myself begin to realise how horrible a girl I am. But I will still remain the way I am. That's me.

Actually was in the mood to blog but something bad suddenly happened and it ruined my mood to write. Hope by getting a headstart will cultivate back my mood.

I always say that my love life now sucks. It really is. It has been exactly half a year after I broke up with Weilie. People now ask me how come I broke off with my ex boyfriend. Seriously speaking I don't know. I really can't find any strong concrete reason for the breakup. I admit that part of me got tired of the relationship after it got pretty stagnant. I am a girl who needs constant sparkles in a relationship even after it is stable. I am not a person who goes for stabilty. It means boredom. Two persons in a relationship need to create interesting sparkles like small little surprises for each other to keep it lively. I am a very hard to maintain girl friend I know.

So ever since the breakup, I have been pretty much enjoying my single life. Perhaps it's because I have been into relationships for a very long time, engaging in a new relationship shortly after the previous one ended. Being single means that there is no one to constrain your movements and whereabouts. Something which I like. Being single means I can go out with whoever I want. Not going out with the same person everytime doing the same old thing. And going out with different people (esp guys) means that you can learn about different personalities, the way they behave, the way they carry themselves. I like meeting different people. Being single means I can have more time with my female friends. Being single also means that you can make more new friends. Let's not being too skeptical to judge that those new friends I made all had motive of making friends with me. Quite a few of them are really just pure platonic friendships.

I have been enjoying this kind of lifestyle for the past few months. However like what I said in some of my previous posts, most of my female friends are actually attached. So it is not always that they will have time for me. And not everyone will always have the time for me when I am bored and need some accompany. So I can be really boring at times. No one is obliged to accompany you. No one owes you anything. Unlike a boy friend, whom you can pester and demand him to keep you company.

At times, I really feel like there will always be someone there for me. Listening to all my whines and rants, giving me advices, offering encouraging statements whenever I get down, giving me little hugs and cuddles whenever I need them, a person to whom I can really behave like a little girl where I can "sa jiao".

Recently I wonder if I long to get back into a relationship again. Can't help but to feel this way. But it is not as if you say "I want a boyfriend" and click, there you found yourself one. The timing must be right for both parties. Some times, when two persons meet at the wrong time, things just get so wrong. I have always been trying to keep my options open. Not say like I tell myself "Oh I don't want any boyfriend" and shut myself up. No I never did. But fate just like to play the fool of me I think. So far none has been able to make me fall in love with them. I am not sure it's because they are not my cup of tea or it's a problem on my part. I just don't develop that kind of liking. No I don't set high expectation. None at all. I am just searching for that kind of feeling. The feeling of knowing that you like that person. And of course he must be able to "click" with me, having common topics to talk about. I can't stand guys who are quiet. Or perhaps is I am being too talkative. Like what I said, I need things to be interesting.

Actually it really did occur to me whether I should and want to go back to Weilie. It is not easy for someone to be still so caring and nice to you after you broke his heart. And I know he can be a near to perfect boyfriend. Someone whom you can see future with. But... Nah... Since I had already made the decision. I should never turn back. Even if I do, I am not sure if I can find back the feeling and passion I used to have for him. Part of the reason could also be that I hope to meet someone new. So in the end, I gave up the thought.

I don't know when the right one will come. Nor do I really know if I want to get involved into another relationship. Sometimes it just gets too tiring. So maybe I should just take it easy and let things happen the way they will happen.

Was on the cab this afternoon when I heard a piece of news over at the radio. It's about people cheating bus fare through EZ-link card.

Research and statistics show that on an average throughout the whole bus ride, 1.5 person will cheat on the bus fare.

60% of the people who cheated tap card before they alighted(so as to obtain a cheaper stage fare)
25% did not tap card at all when they boarded the bus
The rest of the proportion? Sorry I forgot. Lolz...

And the amount cheated accumulated to quite a substantiate sum. I don't really know the exact figure lar.

They made such a big hoo-haa indicating the lost in profit that was supposed to be earned. And now they are thinking of ways to cut down the tendency of passengers cheating.

I just want to raise a few issues here. My own opinions. No sore feelings.
1. Initially when EZ-link card was launched, apart from bringing convenience to passengers, another main motive was to reduce bus fare cheating. Passengers' fare will be automatically deducted by the tapping of card, instead of the conventional method of selecting and pressing the fare manually. If the same problem still exists, doesn't it means that this plan failed to serve its purpose?

2. They bring the media's attention to the lost in amount through bus fare cheating. What about passengers who forgot to tap their EZ-link cards when alighting? Extra bus fare will be deducted. Which means the extra amount was earned by the bus service provider. Yes indeed passengers can claim back the extra fare deducted but who the hell will actually take the effort and time when one has to go down to the main office just to claim back that few cents? On top of that, the transport fee one has to spent to get the butt to the main office has already exceeded the amount to be claimed. I don't think anyone in the right state of mind will do that. Oh, unless you live just beside the main office. So, why don't they come up with figures and stats on how much passengers lost when they just simply forgot to tap their cards? Oh and not taking into account those passengers who tap their cards from the front when they alight. Poor passenger paid for the fare twice when the machine only shows ENTRY, instead of ENTRY/EXIT.

3. Through the freaking expensive bus fare passengers are paying, I believe that bus service providers should be having a smiling fat sum on their Profit and Loss Account. I think the amount being cheated should be just a small percentage of their total profit. I don't mean that people should cheat bus fare, yes, those cheapskate people are wrong. But come on, it's inevitable.

4. So now what? Since those smart ass are still able to cheat bus fares, are they gonna abolish this EZ-link system and come up with a more innovative one? I tell you bus fares are gonna increase AGAIN if this happens.

These few issues came popping into my mind when I heard the news. Nothing skeptical. I won't get sued for saying all these right? Those figures up there came from my memory at the point when I heard the news. I am sorry if I get them wrong ok?

Transportation expenses are high. Can you imagine it took me $1.62 from Yishun to Clementi by EZ-link. And the bus ride from Clementi MRT to SIM is $0.64 (less of transfer rebate of $0.25 will be $.039). Total fare = $2.01. To and fro = $4.02.

If I still go for tuitions elsewhere on the same day, my whole day transport fee can easily come up to a whopping 5 or 6 bucks. That's sometimes more than what I spent on food lor.

Is that why some people cheat on the fares? Because fares are far too expensive? I don't know. But relevant point to take into consideration though.

My replenishment of a good night's sleep has been totally depleted through the weekend. Luckily I did sleep early on Thursday night. If not I would have been a zombie without a good sleep for more than a week.

Did my mani and pedi at my aunt's shop. It's been several months since I last went there. Thanks Evan for decorating my nails. And my aunt commented that my face is getting terrible and I ought to let her salvage the condition by having a facial. Sigh... Actually I know my face has been in a bad condition recently. Especially the times when the source of light shines directly on my face when I stand in front of the mirror.

I have done a good deed yesterday by putting 2 persons together. *Hehe* Perhaps I can go into the matchmaking line? Whatever it is, maybe it will just accumulate my merit points so that I can faster find my the other half ya? Haha no lar that's not the main motive of helping out... Well since both are my friends and I know the situation from both sides the best, I am able to judge if they are worth giving each other a chance or not. When will it be my turn then? I have lost another single status friend who can be as free as me to accompany me through the boring days. Why is everyone around me busy in love har? *shakes head and crys*

Dying soon. Going to sleep NOW... Still have to go for lecture in the afternoon. Hope I don't oversleep.

I am seriously dead tired now. Have been missing lots of sleep since last Friday. Marvin asked me to blog more. Cause he says my blog got nothing to read. Sorry lar sometimes no time or no mood to blog.

Despite the tiredness within me, I still went Dbl O with Phyllis and Jaclyn yesterday. Boy that was such a terrible decision I made. It was such a boring night. The music sucks, the crowd sucks, practically everything sucks. Perhaps my tiredness contributed to why I felt it that way too. Didn't drink much cause I felt I was gonna lie my dead body on the floor and SLEEP if I still gulped down somemore.

I declare that I seriously need Mambo back on my Wednesday nights. Starting to countdown to 26th October. And Dbl O on Saturdays are always better than that of Weds.

Right I shall stop here now. Dear sweet little Miss Cylene asked me to help her with her new skin so I gotta log out. Then I am straight to bed. I really need sleep. By the way to Marvin: I really manage to wake up for lecture today. *winks* I won the bet.

What a hectic weekend I got... And to think I thought it's gonna be a program-less one at first. Thanks to all my friends for the accompany.

Went for dinner with Justin on Friday. Loitered around town and played pool before our ktv sesson commenced. My pool skills are still as lousy. *keke* Sang from 12 till 3am. Was constantly smsing Dominic while singing and he was bored at home. So I casually offered to catch a movie with him after my ktv session ends. Oh boy to my surprise he agreed. So I met him at 3 and caught the 4am show. It was a first time I went for such a late (or rather "early") movie. The Red Shoes. Wasn't too scary but I covered my eyes most of the time. As usual. Was feeling the tiredness in me when the show ended close to 6am. Dominic suggested waiting till 6 so that we could skip the midnight charge. Clever me in turn thought of a more splendid idea. That is to take MRT. Even more cost-saving what. *hehe* Don't be surprised that the first train in service early in the morning is actually pretty crowded. Both of us were feeling hungry and we went for MacDonald's breakfast. Gosh it's been don't know how many donkey years since I last ate Mac breakfast. Chatted till 7.30 and went home. Straight into concussion.

Woke up at 2pm and went out to town with Cylene. Met up with the guys and went to Jasmine's birthday party. Then, we proceeded to Dbl-o. Dbl-o was fun. But the night ended pretty early cause most of the guys were gone case. Drunk.

Sunday was spent idling in town with Cylene before Colin joined us. Went to watch The 40 Year Old Virgin. Funny show. I laughed from the start till the end. After the show, we went for coffee at Coffee Club. Louis and Ben joined us. Oh by the way I have earned myself a new nickname. Wei Wei Dian Deng Pao( Lightbulb). Thanks to Louis for coming up this nick for me ya... *smacks him hard* Now everyone calls me by that nick and makes fun of it pretty often. Worst still, all of the guys have been eagerly trying hard to "promote" me out. By means of threatening. How mean can they be? They keep yelling at me saying: If you don't pay for my drinks, I am gonna give Mr XXX your number! Blah blah... *sickos*

How nice if every weekend can be this fulfilling... Photos will be up after I get them into my obsolete computer...

Moving on into the 3rd continuous week without Mambo, my life is getting aimless. No more Wednesday to look forward to. *yawnz* Lets just hope the rest of the two Mambo-less Wednesdays will be over soon.

Wednesday was spent surfing net the whole night until I had a sudden craving for the pork porridge at Bedok 85 Market. Have not eaten it for years. Good nice Weilie fetched me all the way there for supper. *grins* Poor boy who is always being bullied by me.Luckily, I was their last customer. If not I will faint if I didn't get to eat the porridge. And Weilie will kill me for sure for making him go on a wasted trip. Both of us ordered a bowl of pork porridge each. I almost swallowed the bowl together with the porridge. Yeah the emptied bowl was sparkling clean. Besides the porridge, we also ordered satay. I ate till I almost vomitted. So damn full. Actually I wasn't really hungry. Was just craving for the porridge. I am such a glutton. *hehe*

It i s time of the month for me again. Don't know why for these 2 months it has been exceptionally heavy at an alarming ondition. Kept nagging to Hui that I am going to die due to extreme lost of blood. *geez* It is terrible. Can you imagine I have to go to the toilet to get the thing changed every 2 hour plus?I am already using the long overnight maxi kind. And because of that I took a cab home. Stained a bloody big(or rather enormous) patch on my pants. Can't possibly still take a train home cause I need to go home and get changed before I go for the next tuition. My heart was also bleeding due to the wastage on cabfare. *crys*

On my way home just now after the tuitions., 3 mongrels suddenly ran so fast towards me. Slowed down as they got nearer to me and god, they seemed to be aiming at me. They seemed to be ready to pounce on me any time. It was the first time I got frightened with dogs. I took a few steps back. But they moved forward as I retreated. My first intial thought was to turn and run across the road. But knowing the nature of dogs well, I know they will sure run after me if I start running away from them. And besides, I still have to make sure there are no cars on the road before I dashed across. I dun want to die getting knocked by a car just because I was being chased by mongrels. In the end, I bravely jerked my footstep forward and the three mongrels ran away once I did that. Damn, they are behaving just like Elmo. That little rascal. Only look fierce on the surface but is actually as timid as a mouse. Oh by the way he just went for his haircut today. Such a handsome boy he is now. No more ruggard look with hair covering his pretty round eyes. I love him sooooooo much.

I still have no plans tomorrow. Boring... My tuition is ending early somemore. After which I will be so free. Haiz...

Poor boy is sick and depressed. But I don't know what I can do to cheer him up. What I can do is to ask him not to feel moody. Machiam that will help. Haiz... I am useless.

To him:
If one day I ever leave, it is not because you told me to. It is not because you said we can never be together. It is not because I think it is unfair to me.

If one day I ever leave, it is because I can't feel your love for me. Do I stand a place in your heart? I really can't feel it. It is so tiring to keep holding on when I can't feel ur feelings for me.

I got no strength and motivation to move on as much as I wanted to. Yet I am trying so hard to find clues leading to light. But I find no signs telling me your feelings for me.

I can't sense that you miss me, I can't sense that you got the urge to see me, I can't sense that I mean something to you. It seems like to you, your life will not make a difference with or without me. Am I just something extra in your life that you can do without?

I am lost.

Gosh what have I been doing for the past week? Looks like I didn't really jot them down. Sometimes I really wonder I write all these for the sake of myself for remembrance or friends who have been visiting my bloggie. Guess it's more of the first. Geez...

Let me think back and see what I had done...

Monday: Wasn't really in good mood. Skipped class and cancelled all my tuitions and stay at home to look at the four walls.

Tuesday: Went for my Human Resource Mgmt lecture. I didn't attend the first 2 lectures. So was a little lost at the start. Then I just went home to slack.

Wednesday: Went for work. Roadshow was held at a dorm. Those foreign workers were hell of a smelly after their work I tell you. *pinch nose and held my breath* After work I rushed down to meet Ben to take my temporary line. Luckily he got a line that no one is using. So I just use the line till I got money to pay off my phone debt. After that I went Dbl O with Phyllis and Jaclyn, together with Jac's boyfriend Fish. Met Liz friends there and oh they were a funny bunch. Slept at 5 in the morning cause I went supper with Liz and her friends. I miss Mambo...

Thursday: Woke up super early. When I myself was surprised that I had the energy to get up. Cause I got the motivation. Why? Cause I had to go to Isetan Sale!!! Even my Dad shook his head at me. When I had to go for work or lesson, I will sure overslept. But when it comes to shopping, erm... it is another different story. *hehe* Time was too short for me in the morning and so I erm... decided to skip my lecture just to continue shopping. I am not well discipline I know... Hang around in town with Liz till evening time before I went for my tuition.

Friday: Went to work again. Luckily this time was not at one of those humid, not well ventilated smelly dorm. Hee... Went for tuition after the roadshow ended at 3.30pm. After tuition I met up with Cylene together with her friends Serene and Stephanie to shop around for their friend's birthday prezzie. Colin joined us in the midst. When the shops were closed, we went for coffee at Coffee Club beside Califonia Fitness. Ben and the rest of the guys joined us after that. Talked till about 2 plus and I shared a cab back together with Jerrick who lives in Amk.

Nothing exciting happened this week. Life has been rather monotonous recently.