I am becoming a workaholic soon. Having to juggle between school work, job and tuitions. And those tuitions just keep coming in when I don't need them anymore. Perhaps one day I may just fall flat on the floor and die of fatigue. I have absolutely no time for myself. And I don't like that. I have no time to meet up with my Hui and Elle. I have no time to revise my work, I have no time to spare for some personal care stuff. I have no time to blog. Sometimes I don't even have enough time to sleep.

Life is now so different from the past when I used to slack at home and doing nothing but nothing. Though I lead a hectic and systematic life now, I am still lots happier as compared. At least life is more meaningful. Clubbing sessions are also being cut down drastically. I miss them. Especially Mambo. Has already set on going on next coming Wednesday with Hui.

I have finally bought myself a mp3 player. Yipee! Cost me a few hundred bucks. And I am so pleased with my new gadget. But still at the stage of exploration. Silly boy wanted to get it for me at first, but I rejected him flat cause it is too expensive a gift for no special occasion.

I have been spending lots of money on shopping lately. And it feels great to be able to buy the things you want. The reward for slogging myself so hard. However, I should put a limit to my excessive spending power before I wiped out all my hard earned money.

Chinese New Year is nearing. I only bought like 3 tops and one pants. Still lack of one nice bag and a pair of shoes. Don't think I will have the time to hunt for them. What I love about CNY are the goodies and pastries. They are so yummylicious. But they are gonna wreck my slimming plan. Just by thinking about them now makes me drool. *hehe* It is Elmo's year soon. And talking about Elmo, I have not been seeing him for more than a month. I miss my cute little sweet naughty boy terribly. I love to see the way his eyes sparkle and wag his tail vigourously jumping all around me waiting for me to carry and sayang him eveytime I visit him. I love the way he comes up to me and snuggle. I have not passed him the clothes and the new bed I bought for him during my Bangkok trip. I have no time to even find one day to visit him and show him the stuff I bought. I think he looks like a monster now. *laughs* It's been a few months since he went for his last grooming session. Omg he shall remain a monster look alike for the CNY.

My colleagues and I were discussing about Bangkok just now. Planning to go for another Bangkok trip perhaps during April. Hope it is not just talks but no action. Getting all excited for another round of labourious shopping.

I love my life now. And I love the feel of seeing money coming in. *laughs* At the expense of my health and entertainment.

I am so so so so angry!!! Tmd!!

Actually before I decided to take up my current degree which is Bsc Economics and Management, I was really really keen on the Economics and Finance degree. Cause I think Economics goes better with finance rather than management. However, UOL did not offer such a degree. And I almost wanted to go RMIT cause of it being Econs and Finance instead of Mgmt. But on second thought, I still prefer UOL than RMIT.

I was happily surfing though my student portal a while ago. And guess what???

UOL is offering a new degree Bsc Economics and Finance!!! WTH!!! Now I made my decision already then come up with this new degree. Why can't they introduce this 2 years ago?

It was stated in the circualr that current UOL students can transfer to this new degree. And this got me a little excited. But further reading states : SIM will only be offering classes for 142 Quantitative Finance during the 2008/2009 academic year.

Fuck lar by the time I had already graduated. So I will not be able to take the module which I think is a compulsory unit for that degree.

BUT I AM REALLY VERY INTERESTED IN ECONS AND FINANCE!!!!

And then I was thinking, Corporate Finance (CF) cannot be on par as Quantitative Finance(QF) meh?

Cause I am taking CF now. But... But... BUt... CF is my repeat module. Haha! Yes I failed CF last year can?

I also don't know why I choose CF as my selective unit when I am not compelled to do so. Unlike students from other degrees. Maybe it's because I think finance is an important area to be covered.

But still, I think I will do better in QF than CF. Because I am a person who is good at numbers and sucks at theories.

Whatever it is, UOL should have came up with this course 2 years ago! And I would have taken that and studying QF and not failing the stupid CF.

NB lar! *pissed off*

If you have read my previous post, I am a person who hates restriction and get controlled. Simply hate that. This is how I am in the past, now, and I am going to stay this way. I will not listen to anybody like a small kid. If you want me to listen to you, be prepared to back yourself up with stong concrete reasons. I will listen only if I think it's justifiable or reasonable. And it's BECAUSE I reckon that you are right, NOT BECAUSE I am listening to you.

So please don't ask me to do things blindly as you say.

Only I can control myself and I will only listen to myself.

To show concern is not by controlling, like demanding the time to be home, what time to sleep blah blah. Yes I know you are concerned that I will not have enough sleep. But I myself know how to manage my time and make sure I get sufficient sleep (plus I am such a PIG) *laughs*

I know you are concerned for me, but I just hate being under control. Please don't channel in control as a way of concern.

But still, you are my beloved boy.

ps: actually this post is meant to be quite lengthy, but I suddenly lost inspiration of what I wanted to write, plus I am too tired. *laughs*

Joseph asked me a very interesting question through MSN yesterday. Something worth to ponder about.

If given a chance to know your future, will you take it?

I thought for quite sometime. And I told him no.

Why?

If you know your future and what is going to happen to you, life has lost its meaning, zeal, drive, and excitement.

Imagine you know in the future you will become some respectable political figure in Singapore. Or even you know exactly what will happen to you the next day, what you will be doing blah blah. Doesn't life lose even the slightest excitement? And if that's the case, what are you exactly living for? There is nothing to look forward to or get anxious about.

But this leads me to wonder about another question. If one has the ability to know the future and has already know his future, he will lose the drive to work hard to obtain what he wants.

Eg: A man who really wants to become a successful doctor. So as an medical undergrad, he will work hard to achieve his goal. BUT, if he already knew that he will become a sucessful doctor, he know for sure that it will come true, and therefore, he will just sit back and relax and wait for the days to pass till he becomes a doctor.

And I was thinking, if he just sit back relax without putting in any effort to becoming a doctor, will he still become a doctor without having all the neccessary knowledge and skills that is obtained though hardwork?

Most likely it will be no right? So how will the future be still valid?

What a paradox right?

And this makes me further think about Macbeth. The Shakespeare play that I studied during my secondary schools days. Did the 3 Weird Sisters' prophecies really came true? Or did Macbeth acted according to the prophecies and made them to be true? Is it the Weird Sisters who lead to the downfall of Macbeth or is it Macbeth himself? Will things turn out to be the same if Macbeth did not meet the Weird Sisters and know of the prophecies? Macbeth was once such a brave and loyal kinsman but everything changed after he knew his future. He became such an evil and ruthless king. What is the main reason underlying that makes him like this? His own greed and ambition? Or is everything predestined for him as declared by the Weird Sisters?

Interesting ya?

I am fine. And he knew that he was wrong. *laughs*

Went shopping yesterday. But only managed to buy one top from m)phosis. tried the new Levis engineered jeans. Nice! I am going to buy. But wondering if I should get it from JB. Much cheaper. But alots of hazzle.

Come to think of it, I have not been going JB to shop for a long time already. Maybe it's time for me to go and embark on a shopping spree. Can go there and buy the jeans too.

I have been forgoing my offdays. Long story. Sigh... Think I will be going crazy soon. Havn't been having time for myself. And there are so many things I want to do. I want to cut and dye my hair, go for mani and pedicure, facial, visit my son, go JB, go mambo. Simply no life now.

And I had just gotten my advanced exam timetable. Will be having a few days of break before the next paper. Can say that is is petty good coz they are not squeezed together. But one of the paper falls on my birthday and I have one paper before that and one paper after that. How to celebrate? Sobz. And I am getting stressed. The timetable comes out so early. Means that lessons are coming to an end soon. And I have not been serious in my studies. I won't want history to repeat again. Time to start revising soon. And I better be disciplined enough to do so.

And for once I thought I could be happy. For once I thought he could be the source of happiness in my life. For once I thought he could bring me out of the cold deserted forest. But I was all wrong.

The thought of him not believing me hurts. My heart aches everytime I recalled him questioning me. It makes me want to cry. And tears flowed unknowingly the more I think of it.

Still living in despondence.

My first entry for Year 2006. Sheesh, was plain lazy a few days back to blog. Hee hee.

I WAS supposed to be on diet from 1st Jan onwards. But... ...

1st Jan: BBQ at Hui's house followed by a big bowl of curry at midnight while playing mahjong. No choice, her aunt cooks great curry!!! It is actually a castastrophe in disguise lor!!! I kept complaining that I was damn full from after I finished the curry till 7am when we ended the mahjong can? Oh oh oh I won money!!! Haha after several months of losing. Told you 2006 marks the end of my unlucky path.

2nd Jan: Went to catch A Chinese Tall story. Super lame show. But very funny and the message conveyed was actually quite romantic and meaningful. Dinner was BEEF teppan-yaki. And not to mention that I had almost 2 bowls of rice. Does it sounds like I am on diet? *slaps myself* Got a super lovely and cute plush. But it will be fantastically perfect if it comes in pairs. Oh never mind, it is still so nice.

3rd Jan: Had a big packet of Hokkien fried mee for dinner at 12plus. Didn't have time to eat earlier as I had to rush to work. Was determined not to eat initally... But well... I succumbed to temptation.

This cannot continue. I must tell myself to cut down on food intake from today onwards. And it will stand firm. *trying hard to get this message rooted into my brain*

Oh I am in love with Four Leaves Strawberry Shortcake recently. Thanks to Audrey.

**********************************

Looking back at Year 2005, lots of unhappy things happened. The sudden breakup with someone so nice to me, fell for someone who seemed so nice but turned ugly towards the end and only him and god knows why, flunked my papers in which I had to stay one more year in school, liked someone whom I was not supposed to and ended myself in an ambiguous relationship, financially unstable with lots of debts owing, and the list goes on.

But I am gonna cast them aside and start a new chapter of my life. Though painful they were, I still got to learn some lessons from within and made me a stronger person. Most important lesson learnt, time really heals all pain, regardless how painful it is. And I really get to know that Hui and Elle are the bestest nicest friends I can ever get in this whole world. When I cried, they cried with me cause it's heartbreaking for them to see me cry. I really love them dearly. Also many thanks to lots of friends who had been there for me through one of the saddest phase of my life.

Enough of the unhappy things said. They are the past, look ahead and welcome 2006 with a fresh new start. I think I am going to be lucky this year ( just because I won mahjong on the first day of this year) *laughs*

It's nice to see ur parents bicker once in a while, provided that it doesn't get out of hand.

A humid Friday afternoon. Mummy and Daddy in the living room. Mum lying on the sofa while Dad switches on the TV. Image shows the Channel 8 program "Golden times" (Huang Jin Nian Hua)

Dad (shouting): Hey ur idol leh!!!
(TV showing a middle aged man with beard singing)

Mum: Who is this? Not my idol lar!

After awhile they soon realised that the man was just a contestant for the singing competition.

Mum: Aiyo u find such an ugly man and claimed him to be my idol! This man so lao kok kok! Sing Hokkien song one means is my idol har? I already married an ugly man as my husband already now still want find such an ugly idol meh? I want look for a more handsome one!

Dad: (gave Mum an irritated look)

Princess: (busy laughing)

Mum: You wait huh, later I sure find one ugly old woman and declare her to be ur idol!

Dad: You see newspaper alot of articles on senior citizens going community centres and ended up in extra marital affairs and broke the family in the end, some even lost their entire life savings.
(Dad said this because Mum likes to go CCs for KTV session nowadays)

Mum: Hiya those are only the bad examples on the papers lar. You never hear what ah zheng says meh? His girlfriends parents always go sing KTV together one. You never see the loving example only. My friend's husband also everytime accompany her go sing KTV one.
(Mum indirectly complains that her husband never accompany her)

Dad: (Kept quiet, don't want argue with Mum)

After awhile, Mum went inside the room while Dad continued watching the TV

Dad: Hey your favourite song!!!
(A song which Mum loves to sing was sung by a female contestant on the TV, I don't know the title of the song, I am not familiarised with Chinese oldies)

Mum (rushing out from the room and stood in front of TV): ...chuan dao ni zuo you... bie hou yi jing shi hao ji ge qiu... (Busy singing along LOUDLY)

Dad: This one call singing meh? This is call shouting lor. Sing until so loud!

Princess: Neh!!! This one is papa's idol lor!!!
(refering to the constestant. Not very pretty and oso quite lao kok kok one)

Princess: (Laughing to herself and both Mum and Dad didn't even bother to answer her...)

After awhile, they started another round again.

Mum: H**** (my uncle) where got look old?

Dad: Got lor, that day I saw him sitting there hiyo look so old already

Mum: Then what you expect? He already 60 years old liao leh!

Dad: Where got 60?

Mum: Near 60 liao lor, next year 56 liao lor. And he also look much younger than you lor. He got go for facial and whatever skincare product (my aunt) use he also got use one leh.

Dad: He got look younger than me meh?

Mum: Ah wei, u say leh? Papa look younger or Uncle look younger???

Princess: (looked away and glued her eyes in the moniter, pretending that she never hear the question)

In a situation like this, remaining slient is the best in order not to offend either parties... Poor me. *laughs*