I am becoming a friend of paracetamol. Popping a few every night to kill the intense pain, apart from those daily medication I must take everyday. I eat painkillers prescribed by the docs, and panadols to curb the pain. Normal panodol doesn't work on me anymore. I need those with extras. Wonder when will I be able to stop relying on all these. Perhaps one day I may just end up in hospital due to overdosage.

First paper on Wednesday. And I am only studying 6 topics out of the 12 taught. If there are questions combining 2 topics, congratulations to me. Told you before, UOL examiners are very evil one.

Enough said, gonna take a bathe and head to Mac for study. Wish me luck. I wasted one night yesterday coz the pain was intolerable. I am smarter today. Already popped down 2 painkillers the moment I felt the pain coming. Hope the pain doesn't come back later. It affects my revision.

I am thinking... friends brought me alot of laughter. And I do treasure the friends I have around me dearly. But when was the last time that the man whom I loved made me laugh with joy? I forgot. That happened so long ago.

With so many setbacks and failure in attempts in getting into a relatioship, I begin to wonder why I always fell for the wrong person. So much failure that I don't have the strength to look for another relationship again.

I want to laugh happily again, a laughter from me made through the man whom I really love and who will always be there for me. To share my joy, sorrows, sadness, complains, whatever emotions I have.

Kids nowadays are so funny! Or maybe weird will be a more appropriate term. Weird. Real Weird! Are they out of their mind or something?

I was studying at Mac this afternoon. There came 3 secondary school girls who sat at a table near me. There was this fat short giral who talked as if she owned the whole Mac. Perhaps she is afraid that the whole Mac missed a single word that came out of her mouth, She was talking damn loud can?!! And her voice was not very soothing and pleasant. She came out of the toilet and publicly announced to her friends that the person who went in before her didn't flushed the toilet after the big business. She sounded so rough lor. And I think she mentioned to her friends about her stead ( such childish term I used but that's their terminology of bfs which I found disgusting). I almost burst out laughing. How on earth will a guy be attracted to this type of girl. And she is not pretty at all. I repeat. NOT PRETTY AT ALL.

After the fat girl left came 2 girls and one guy who sat at the table beside me. The girls were from Northbrooks. (Luckily I am not from that school) They were comparing how many lateness sheet they got from the semester and one of them even asked why she never get suspended for getting four sheets. *scratches head* Why are they so eager to get detention or suspension? Ain't these were the most feared systems in the school? Detention is such a waste of time after school and suspension is so embarrassing. That's not the worst part.

They took out their pencil cases, and specifically took out red, blue and black pens. Not to study(unlike me). But to draw on their hands! They tried to make it look as real as cane marks which I think they succeeded in. And they were still comparing whose look more convincing. *scratches head vigorously* Isn't having cane marks a signal that you were kana whacked by your parents and a very shameful thing to be known? But those kids were craving for those markings to such extent that they drew themselves!!! And when one girl was asked by the teacher why she was whacked by her parents, she denied but obiviously the teacher didn't believe her coz it's hard to believe if you are sane. And she was so proud of it when she related the incident to her friend.Very very weird right?!! And those "cane marks" were so huge that it's hard to get unnoticed.

What is happening to secondary school kids nowadays????? I really can't figure out their rationale to answer for their actions. To grab attention? To try and be different? Or what? To me, they are crazy, and damn bo liao. Luckily I never behave like that when I was a kid. *phew*

This better be over soon. I really can't take it anymore. Been losing the momentum to study coz I am getting sick of it. And I still got so much to study.

On another hand, so what if the torture is over? There has been no tinge of excitement in my life. I feel so lost.

Been having flashbacks these few days. I think it's just the useless/strange part of me on the run. Wondering how things can be so different in just a year's time. But I am still standing on the same spot. Nothing has changed for me. Do I still like him? Frankly speaking in my heart it is a rather firm no. But I don't know why I feel uneasy these few days. Guess I will be fine given a few more days.

Not going mambo later. Alan on night shift. Good in a way. One lesser seduction for me to steer away from my studies. But I feel like going. *sobs* Still comtemplating if I should go next week. Sort of a mini breathing moment away from my exams after finishing the first paper in the afternoon and treating it as a treat for my birthday from myself. So quite justifiable right? But I have the next paper 2 days after. Going means I only have a day for the last minute revision. Should I???

Shan't think so much. Going out to Mac for my revision now. Havn't done any revision today.

It appears that I can't get to sleep again. My body clock is turning upside down again. SHIT. I am still wide awake at this hour. Just got back from mahjong. Backside itchy after studying 7 hours at Mac.

After much brain damage for the day, I am still so awake. Damn. I hate the feeling of not being able to fall asleep. I still have to wake up as early as possible for maximum time for revision. This is not going to help as I am going to wake up late in the afternoon.

I am so pleased with what I have achieved for my CF revision today. Things are looking good for this paper. Wonder why I failed this last year. *sulks*

I got so many movies I want to catch. I am a movie freak. I want to catch Poseidon (the whole wide world has watched it except me), Da Vinci Code, Over the Hedge and the upcoming X-men. No time at all. And by the time I finish my exams, I think these movies are no more screening already.

Now I just hope to do as much as I can for the exams. I am so stressed up. Coz a pass is not sufficient. Grades matter especially when I scored so badly for my exams last year. I don't want just a pass degree. At least a 2nd lower will be more presentable. But looks like it is so tough to get. Blame it on my laziness. To add on to the burden, my dad is paying for my school fees. Not me. I can't afford to let his hard-earned money go down the drain. Especially when he is the sole breadwinner and he still got to pay for my sis' school fees. That is if my that stupid brother don't wish to further his studies after his NS. If not, one more to support.

I am worried for my HRM. Haven't started on it coz I hate writing essay questions. Simply hate it to the core. Please remind me not to take any module that requires essay writing for the next semester.

Gonna force myself to sleep already. I just heard the sound of the MRT. SHIT!!!

Can someone kill me before I get squashed flat by those lecture notes? Perhaps you can't even find my body when it happens.

Ha... fancy getting killed by your own notes. I am getting siao already.

Life is always filled with choices. But too much choices leave people troubled more often than not. So afraid of making the wrong decision, I do not know what my next move should be. Cause once the move is made, there is no turning back and if things don't turn out as perfect as it should be, it will be another round of clearing up the mess that I have made.

Tired not to think of it but feel so emotionally unstable.

Can anyone help me?

It's officially 3 weeks down to my Doom's Day. I will be doomed this time.

Busying flipping whatever notes and lecture handouts I have. But they all seem so unfamiliar and difficult to understand. I don't even understand a single shit about what certain topics are rattling about. This demoralises me and I can't find any source of motivation to carry on fighting this war with the stupid examiners.

Why is exam such a torturing thing? God please help me.